Finding the courage to continue on this journey

Hi everyone

It's been so nice catching up on your blogs this week :-) We arrived back from New Zealand a week ago.

It was a beautiful holiday - a real chance for B and I to reconnect with each other again after what has been a pretty full-on 6 months. We camper-vanned the southern part of the South Island doing lots of spectacular day hikes up mountains and to see amazing waterfalls, drinking lovely Sauv blanc, eating yummy food and spending time with special friends.

My batteries were completely flat before I left but now I feel re-charged!

How could, immersing oneself in a place like the below, possibly NOT do that?!

B took the above photo on one of our many walks.

As for the high risk of DVT (after my gene mutation diagnosis last month), I wore my flight stockings and took low dose aspirin daily both before, during and after the holiday (about 14 days in total). Coincidentally, this perfectly tied in with my ovulation and luteal phase, so, as you can guess, I felt hopeful that maybe taking the aspirin (combined with our glorious and relaxing holiday) would somehow give us a miracle natural conception this month. Alas, my pd started yesterday.

But it's ok. I'm getting quite used to it now, after all this time.

The other reason I am ok, is because I went walking yesterday morning and saw the most amazing sunrise - I was feeling a bit down about yet another month without any luck falling pregnant (can I say here that we are now 2 months away from the 2.5 year TTC mark).

Here is how the sunrise started:

I was walking along and something about this particular sunrise really got my attention. There were these amazing sun-rays radiating out from behind the clouds. It was like someone was trying to send me a message. As I walked and soaked up this amazing sight, I felt better and better. I thought about everything that we have, everything that we are so grateful for. My spirit kept lifting and lifting.

And then, about 20 minutes later, the sun literally burst out from behind the clouds and covered me in warm, startlingly bright light (it felt amazing as it was around 12 degrees outside so quite chilly!). At that moment, what I can only describe as a voice (as I don't ever remember hearing anything like this before) said to me, loud and clear: "your turn is coming"

At that moment, my whole body broke out in goose bumps and my eyes literally welled up with tears. I even looked around me to see if there were any other walkers or joggers who had noticed me, but luckily I was all alone on the path. It was also too bright and I was too overwhelmed to take another photo at that point - :-) !

Needless to say, I've felt a deep sense of calm ever since.

I can now walk into this next phase of our journey with courage and a warm and open heart, as well as the reassurance of this very special message.

I am so grateful for this.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. :-)
B