Beta next week

So yes... It's come to that time again where I have to write the paragraph which I have been dreading writing for a while but knew would be coming.

B has asked , that if we do get a BFP
next week, that we will only tell our immediate family and no-one else. And therefore, I'm afraid that I won't be able to write about it in my blog.

This makes me sad, as you have all shared in this journey with me and I feel I owe it to you all. But alas, I can't. I have to respect his wishes.

He doesn't want everyone to know in case we don't make it to 12 weeks. In which case I will write it about it in my blog, but when I am ready to.

So please know that if you hear and see nothing on my page in the coming weeks, there is a very good reason for this.

I promise, though, that I will continue to follow all of you and be there to cheer you on every step of the way.

Love,
Bron

Ps: here is a pic which encapsulates all the hope I am feeling right now... For all of us...

6dp5dt symptoms

Yes, I've been googling this all evening. Yes, I've caved into Dr. Google.
No, I haven't done a home preg test (yet).

I told myself I wouldn't write about this on my blog but I have to get it off my chest so here are my symptoms:

Friday - 2 days post transfer (2dpt): mild but consistent cramps/pains in one spot of my lower left (kept me up most of the night on Thu night). A 'Pulling' sort of pain with a weird consistent rhythm. Similar to mild pd pain but without the burning sensation. Lay there thinking " is this it?" and hardly slept a wink

3 & 4dpt: pains continued. I'll say here that I've never had any cramping prior to my period other than a few hours before. Last Thurs was 1 week prior to pd due date! And no, these are definitely not intestinal pains

5dpt (yesterday): pains subsided. Felt nothing really besides slightly painful breasts in the evening

6dpt (today): pains back again - same spot, same feeling just deeper this time. Pains subsided at lunch time to be replaced by bloating and gas. Nice. Felt really exhausted by evening and have noticed a marked increase in cm as of today. Breasts still only slightly tender. Have been running to the loo more today. Have been very moody and emotional over the last 48 hrs.

I'm thinking we might test this weekend... I really don't want to have to take a call from the nurse with a negative result at work. Too hard basket.

Things I've been doing to stay positive:

- daily circle and bloom meditations
- daily angel card readings
- asking for signs from above
- eating well and doing daily walks
- spending the weekend camping in the autumn sunshine
- lots of sleep and keeping work stress at bay
- talking to my mom daily
- visualising the little one implanting
- visualising the smooth and clot free flow of blood, oxygen and nutrients
- praying very very hard

Please oh please let this be happening...

A textbook transfer!

Hello all

Just a very quick update to say that our frozen 5 day embryo transfer yesterday morning was absolutely 'textbook' according to the doctor.

He said this just as he'd finished - "that was an absolutely textbook transfer - you could post that on you tube it was so textbook!". I burst out laughing so the first thing our blasty would have felt was a big belly laugh! It was amazing - it literally took 5 minutes for the whole transfer start to finish.

Unfortunately only 1 embryo out of two survived the thaw which B and I were quite sad about. It means that if this doesn't work we have to do the full drug cycle and egg collection surgery again - Ugh. However we are just SO thankful that at least one did survive!

The one that did survive was a really REALLY good one with 100% cell survival. They will transfer a blastocyst with as little as 50% cell survival, so they were very happy with our one - clearly a winner!

I will now continue with the aspirin until our pregnancy blood test in two weeks time and then, if all goes well, for another 10 weeks.

It's very surreal to know that I am now officially pregnant... I will bask happily in this knowledge for now, no matter what the outcome is in two weeks time. :-)

As always, your prayers and thoughts mean the world to me. Please say a small prayer that our little winner survives and that those little "implantation villi" which are going to attach to me will experience smooth and clot-free blood flow!!

Thinking of all of you who are cycling this month and also those who are in between cycles, going for WTF appointments or waiting on scans.

I'll end with this quote...

"The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; The pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose"

Kahlil Gibran

Hope

Well, my body cooperated. I didn't think it wouldn't as ovulation has never been a problem for us (this is clearly not our issue) however knowing we have our FET coming up soon, I had worried that perhaps the added pressure (in my head) would cause me to be late ovulating or result in no ovulation at all.

On the contrary, day 14 and a positive blood test at the hospital this morning means that it's all on track! B congratulated me on how healthy I've been and how much I've been looking after myself over these last 5 months.

I just couldn't contain my excitement seeing that smiley face on the test window this morning.

And I simply can't shake the excitement, optimism and hope that I am feeling right now.

My mind is telling me to remain neutral, centred..... unattached to outcomes.

But my heart is alive with a very strong feeling that maybe, just maybe, this could be it. After almost 2.5 years of trying, my heart is alive with hope.

Crazy thought - I popped the transfer date into a due date calculator and if it's successful and we carry full term, the baby's due date will be 28 Dec!!!!

I don't normally do things like that (as I don't like to set any expectations on outcomes) but I just couldn't help myself!

It would mean that my mum in law, dad in law and brother in law would all be with us in Melbourne for the birth - the one time in a very long time that we will all be together.

This would just be a dream come true.

Wishing everyone a very very happy Easter.