Bring it on!

I can't believe it's only 2 weeks until Christmas! And only 4 weeks until we start our first IVF cycle...

Bring it on, I say!

We had a really interesting visit to Dr L on Tuesday. A very strange thing happened - all of our test results came back normal. Now I wasn't surprised about DH's SA result, as that has always been good, and obviously the ultrasound results weren't a surprise, as I was there at the time and knew that they were good. It was my AMH level that was a huge surprise - it went from 11.5 in October (sub-optimal to the 14 + it should have been and indicating a possible diminished ovarian reserve) to a whopping 31.5 in November!!!!!

I don't understand how this has happened and did not realise it could vary, but I was so shocked that I embarrassed myself by exclaiming 'WHAT??" really loudly when the doctor gave the result, causing DH to look at me strangely! I immediately asked the doctor what the change meant and he said 'Bronwyn, I can only conclude that your health is on the improve'

Could it be the health blitz that I've been on since September? The healthy diet, lack of alcohol, weekly acupuncture, daily circle and bloom meditations, daily power walks and the emotional comfort of knowing we are going for IVF and there may just be a resolution in sight?

Something deep inside me knows this to be the case. My skin is reallly glowing, I feel energetic, I'm sleeping like a dream and I feel really happy for this first time in a long time.

It feels like we are giving ourselves over into the hands of God and Science and the relief is palpable.

I haven't even googled 'changes to AMH levels' because, do you know what? It doesn't actually matter. We are going for IVF in Jan and so nothing really f-ing matters anymore!

The doctor said we have what they call 'idiopathic sub-fertility' or unexplained infertility. IVF is our next step and that is all that matters now. There is no longer any point in trying to figure out why we can't conceive naturally... It's futile and a waste of time and energy. The strange thing is that rather than causing massive frustration, knowing this has been like having the world lifted off of our shoulders.

Due to the fact that I had a large number of follicles on my left ovary (20), the doctor explained that it tends towards being polycystic. He was quick to point out that this is not the same as PCOS and so it is not an issue. It just means that they will need to put me on a low dosage antagonist drug protocol to ensure that I don't experience ovarian hyper-stimulation. I was really happy about this, as I really didn't want to be on high stim drugs!

I also called our nurse, Sue. What a lovely lady? - she has over 30 year's experience and I felt like I could trust her straight away. We will see her on 22 December to be trained on how to administer the injections and on the timing of the cycle in Jan.

The funny thing is that, as we are off camping for 10 nights from the 23rd, we are going to have to keep the injections in our friend's campervan fridge because I'll have to start injecting around the last 2 days of our holiday! How freaking hysterical is that!?

Anyway, our new motto is 'one day at a time'. DH and I are not expecting our first cycle/embryo transfer to work. We are just going to take it all one day at a time and hope that we have success after 3 to 4 transfers i.e. at some stage during the next 1 - 2 years. And we are going to hope for a good number of healthy emby's to put on ice. But even in regards to that, we are keeping our expectations low.

A very good blogging friend of mine Chon said 'remember that the first IVF cycle is very much a trial and error process- to see how you respond to the drugs etc.' which was such good advice. Thanks Chon!

The other really funny thing is that, for the first time in many many months, I can feel a small glimmer of hope in my heart again.

And it feels really nice.

And, more importantly, I am allowing myself to feel it :-)